I’m sure there comes a time in everyone’s life when one has to start a fresh. When the pieces of one’s life just don’t fit anymore. Whether it be one piece or four, things are just not as they used to be and you are left scratching your head thinking , “How did I get here?”
Sometimes things seem to fall apart all at once, sometimes (most of the times) it happens gradually. Until one day you realise that there is no going back, and that there is no clear path forward either. This is the most frustrating point because it feels as if the past has kicked you out into the cold, forcing you out of your cosy comfort zone, forcing you to admit the truth; that you just aren’t that happy anymore. But there you are kicking and screaming to get back in, and although things weren’t that great, anyplace is better than being homeless!!
Reality check: You are out in the cold and dark. You can’t go back and you are clueless as how to move forward. So what do you do now?
Breathe!! That’s step one: Do not underestimate step one as it oxygenates the brain cells!
Step two: Honestly write down what you think went wrong. Remember this is NOT about blaming someone else. It’s about making a true assessment of the situation. Giving up blame allows you to move forward. Playing the victim keeps you powerless and stuck. So what was it? A breakdown in communication? Bad money management? Bad judge of character? Were you over compensating or selfish?
Once you have identified the problem, ask yourself why? If you overcompensated in a relationship was it because you were afraid they wouldn’t stick around ? If you are in debt is it because you have never been taught how to work with money or save? By figuring out what it was, you can take active steps to not repeat the same mistake in the future.
Step three: Get a visual image of what you want your life to look like. Once you have figured out what you do not want, what you would not like to experience in your life; Do not focus on it! Now is the time to focus on what you do want your life to look like. I’m willing to bet that people who did not get the life they dreamed of, did not dream of that life often enough. They say that the mind cannot tell the difference between an imagined event and a real one. I know that when I visualise myself healthy and strong, doing exercises and eating healthy food, I immediately feel a rush of energy, I involuntarily feel my body moving and I feel stronger! Now you just have to keep that picture in mind long enough to move with it.
Step four: Once you have the picture in mind, you have to move with it. Moving with it means that you have to take symbolic actions in the direction of the dream. If you want to go on holiday in Croatia for example; start planning it! Go online to see the sights, check out the local dishes, see which hotels you would like to stay in and check out flight availability for the date you would like to leave. I dreamed of going to Italy and started learning Italian way before it was even a possibility for me to go, but once I got there I could already communicate. In short, in your mind you should be living your dream more than you live the ‘reality’ of your situation.
Caution: There is a part of the brain, mine at least that will caution me to be realistic. Do not listen to it! It is pessimism gift wrapped as realism. Reality is a just a current assessment of a current situation. The problem with our brains is that we get into an unpleasant situation and we think it will always be that way. Wrong! It wasn’t always that way and it doesn’t need to be either.
There is a way out of the cold but it takes a vision and persistence to find the path that’s right for you.
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