At first glance the idea sounds rather absurd. I mean searching for success is what we all have been doing in one way or the other from the time we were little. You have to be successful at school, then university, then at work. You have to be a successful wife, husband, and especially successful parents. So at first I thought that the fear of success couldn't be a real fear. We are all striving for it daily, we all feel less than if we do not achieve it on some level. So we have a need for success, it gives us our sense of self-worth. But there is another need that I never took into consideration before. A need greater than our need for success.
The need to be loved and accepted.
Now if you grew up in a family where success and growth and prosperity were the norm. Where you saw your parents doing what they love and being successful at it. Where you were validated and appreciated for being the best you can be. Where you heard people speak highly of others who had achieved success, then this article isn't meant for you. And you are one of the lucky ones!
This article is for those of us who grew up in families and societies who dwelt in mediocrity. Now the thing about mediocre people is that they are good people, wonderful people who were conditioned by those before them to be mediocre. Now there is nothing wrong about these people other than that they hold captive those around them. If you grew up in a family in a society like this it is not very likely that these people have directly told you that success is bad, but they have told you indirectly. Do you remember any of these sayings or situations?
"She's such a nerd, just studies all day. That's why she can't find a boyfriend"
"His money has gone to his head"
"I see he bought a new car, of course just to show off"
"I mean who does she think she is"
" He mustn't forget where he came from"
"That one always wants to fly high"
"Finish school and go work"
"Stop keeping yourself what you are not"
"Just be normal!"
And the list continues. And we all know that at sometime or another we have smiled and agreed with the person saying it, even though it felt wrong inside. Or we were the ones saying it.
So why does what other say effect us so much?
Even if what is being said is not directed at us, what is being said is registered in our minds. And what is been registered is that; success is bad. Nobody likes people who are successful. It's wrong to have more than others. I should not want more than what I have. It is not spiritual to have material comforts. My friends won't like me anymore if I don't act like them.
Making the pact
So because all human beings want is too be loved and accepted, we begin to form unconscious pacts with those around us.
All pacts have a common thread that says: I love you and I don't want you to reject me so I will behave in a way that will unify and not divide us, in thought, word and deed.
I love you, don't reject me
And so instead we reject ourselves. We reject our passions and dreams. We make ourselves feel bad for our dreams and for our preferences. And if we have managed despite our pact to have some success, even the minimal, we spend the rest of our lives feeling guilty about it. We tend to allow people to use us, we overcompensate by being too nice, by doing too much, by accepting abuse, and by not accepting anything good from life. Or we do unto others as was done unto us. We reject people who follow their dreams, because who are they to believe to be worthy of more than us? Do they not know of the pact of unity?This pact of unity is based on a false spiritual perception that we are divided. But if we really knew that spiritually we are all one, that there is enough good and love to go around for everyone and that my sisters success is mine! Oh what a glorious, creative, exciting, joyous place this would be......
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