So you are intelligent, pretty, funny, you have a good dress sense, and still can’t seem to have a lasting relationship?
There are obviously a 101 reasons why things do not make it past the initial stage. We are all complex creatures and no one woman can satisfy the needs of every man . So the bitter pill to swallow is that, if it didn’t work past a certain stage; He’s just not that into you! Watched the movie? Read the book? Read it again. No problem! Get over it, move on. Not all guys are worth your time either. And any guy that isn’t giving you the time, is not worth yours. I don’t care how appealing, caring, funny, charming, rich or ‘nice’ he is. Now before any 5 ‘things’ are discussed, it is important for all girls to do one thing. If you can do this one thing, you can bypass all tips and steps. Are you ready for it girls? LOVE YOURSELVES.
I don’t mean conceit, as conceit is just a cover-up for insecurities. I mean accept and appreciate every good and bad part of your being. See yourself as a work in progress and thank God that you have so much to be grateful for. You see I've learnt at the University of Hard- Knocks that when you don’t love yourself, you don’t develop emotional intelligence (E.Q). Girls who have low E.Q's engage in behaviours such as these.
• Settle for a half decent man because she doesn’t want to be alone.
• Settle for a man who is with another woman but who promises her she is the only one for him. (Does that even make sense?)
• Settles for a man who promises her the world but delivers nothing or very little.
• Settles for a man who lies or cheats. If he does one or the other; he is doing both.
• Settles for a man who is emotionally unavailable.
• Settles for a man who buys her everything, but is dating her on his terms. And lets her know who’s the boss.
• Settles for a man who abuses her in any way; physically, emotionally and mentally.
You can be as intelligent as a rocket scientist but if you don’t have emotional intelligence, your smarts count for nothing. A girl (or guy) who doesn’t love herself can do some crazy things because she is not driven by logic, but by her primal need to be loved. So let your primary relationship be with yourself, accept, love and respect yourself and you will find yourself attracting into your life someone who treats you the same way.
That being said. You meet a guy, you hit it off instantly. There is a good flow of conversation, he seems genuinely interested in what you have to say, and you feel the same. You discover you see eye to eye on so many things. He starts flirting (great sign) and you return the favour. He promises to call you the next day, and he does! This call leads to a second and third date, everything is going GREAT and you think that this man is almost definitely ‘The One’.
Mistake no. 1
Don’t make him ‘The One’ while you are still ‘a possibility’.
When women get to this stage of the dating game we are pretty sure of our instincts. The guy is giving all the right signs, and it is obvious that there is a strong connection between you two. You might even call it love at first sight! The truth is that we women see ‘forever after’ way sooner than our male friends. A guy might meet you spend a lot of time with you and still see you as a very interesting person who he could possibly want to spend more time with. And as hard as it maybe to accept he might still be seeing other women, while sharing these warm fussy feelings with you. There are even some men who date a woman for years and still see her as a possibilty. You see in his mind he is still going through the sorting process. He is still a single man who is gathering information, and weighing up his options. Some men conveniently gather information for long periods of time.
So then why do we run to commit ourselves when there are so many men to enjoy!! I don’t mean sleeping around. I mean date other guys! Enjoy their company! Enjoy the flirting! Have fun!! You are not in a relationship so stop acting like it! You might wonder how this will affect your ‘potential relationship’? This is not about making the potential guy jealous. It’s about you not making a ‘potential’, ‘The One’ and it’s about you enjoying your life. And the truth is; this is wildly attractive to a man to any man. Unless of course he’s a controlling loser, in which case it’s better to get rid of him sooner than later.
Word to the wise: Never commit yourself to a man who has not asked you to be his girlfriend or who has not made it clear that he would like to take it to the next level, in which case feel free to ask him for clarity.
Mistake no. 2
Do not chase him!
Let the guy come to you, out of his own. Men are hunters, it’s in their D.N.A. Do not chase him under any circumstances. And stop making excuses for him! I’ve been down this road many times before. His phone got lost/stolen/ended up in his fish tank? There are public phones. He said you must call him? If he’s interested he’ll make the effort. He’s shy? Most men fear being rejected. But any guy will tell you; If he is interested enough he’ll make the move. Let him do the work at the beginning. I know a lot of the times we want to believe that this guy likes us so much that we are willing to believe any story but if he isn’t chasing he isn’t interested. Now let’s pretend for a moment that this guy really does like you, but is really, really super busy. Don’t you think that your constant calling can be a bit irritating when he is trying to get his work done? Think about it.
Mistake no.3
Do not reassure him!
So your potential guy asks you if you are going out on Saturday, and you respond ‘Yes, I am’, he asks with whom and you respond, ‘Oh, don’t worry it’s just friends. It’s a girls night!’ and then start giving a list of your girlfriends names. Or even worse you say ‘ Why do you want to do something? I can cancel?’ WRONG !! WRONG!!
If you are going out with friends then tell him the truth but do not be apologetic about it. You don’t owe him anything. If you have made plans with your girlfriends, don’t make it sound of less importance and do not cancel your appointments just because he is available. A guy loves a bit of a challenge, at least at the beginning of a relationship. Keep the mystery, keep him guessing a bit. As confirmed by my boyfriend; a man doesn’t like to be too secure at beginning. Please do not be fooled by the guy who acts offended by the fact that you would rather spend time with other people than him. His insecurities are his problem.
Mistake no.4
Don’t talk about problems and don’t over talk! So many girls bitch and moan, and quite frankly men don’t want to hear about it all the time! This is the stage in the relationship where you are getting to know each other, through the discovery of your pasts. And not everyone’s past is pleasant. Speak about it, but don’t harp on it. Tell your truth honestly but end it on a up -beat note. Also don’t moan and bitch about other girls and the people at work, and the weather and the crime rate!!! We all want to be with someone who can brighten our day. Guys think like this; ‘If she finds fault with everything else around her. Imagine what she’ll be like when she is in an serious relationship and starts discovering my faults!’ Leave gossip and analysing problems for your nights with your best friend. Be a good conversationalist. Make someone comfortable and happy to be in your presence. And they’ll keep coming back for more.
Mistake no.5
Don’t get sooo heavy!
This is a new guy. He isn’t all your exes stuffed into one pants, so don’t make him pay for their mistakes (or seen as you chose your exes, I should say your mistakes ;-)). He wasn’t the one who cheated behind your back with your close friend, so he doesn’t need to hear how you think that all men are lying bastards. Keep it light! Have fun with him. Keep the exes out of it!
You are Devine! You are simply wonderful ! Fall in love with you! And enjoy this ever so short trip called life. And before you know it...I mean in the blink of an eye. There will be so many possibilities knocking at Your Door!! And then you can choose what is best for you.
Lots of love xxxx
